And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
