Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Two words: blizzard sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
