So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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