I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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