I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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