I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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