I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
