doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
