it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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