I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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