you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
