Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
