I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
