I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
