ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize