Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
