I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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