On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize