Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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