you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
