all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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