i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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