I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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