Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
