i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
