Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
