there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
