my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
