if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
