Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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