I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
