Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
