yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
