I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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