This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
