Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
