Your dad touched me again.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
