i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?