I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
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If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.