One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
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Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
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We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.