I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."