he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.