im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
