dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
