He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
