Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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