Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
