You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
