if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Vodka?
Forever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Randomize
