my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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