I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need to calm my uterus...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
