one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.