I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think i have two assholes
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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