it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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