Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
