I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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