got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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