just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
