so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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