I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My sheets look like a crime scene.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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