did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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