I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize