girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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