They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
