It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
