i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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