Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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