i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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