i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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