Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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